


The 'Hospital' Affair

by Avirra



Series: Man from U.N.C.L.E - Sound & Dialogue [5]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:24:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1967154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avirra/pseuds/Avirra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another hospital stay, but this time T.H.R.U.S.H. aims to make it their last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 'Hospital' Affair

"Illya? Illya... wake up. Please?"

"uhm..?"

"Illya? Come on. Shake off the drugs, buddy. I think we kicked the local T.H.R.U.S.H. nest yesterday and our local contact is now over an hour late checking in."

"I... am trying."

_deep breath_

"Napoleon?"

"Yes?"

"You have perhaps another ninety seconds before I panic. Why can I not see or move?"

"The no-seeing is from the bandages. The no-moving is from restraints. One of the attendants was changing your dressings earlier and apparently hit a tender spot. Not that you really woke up for it, but you sent him into a wall. He left a dent too."

"He is lucky then."

"Lucky?"

"Da. If I had known what I was doing, I would have aimed for putting him through a window. Assuming there is a window."

"There is."

"Lucky applies then. Napoleon? Might we do without the restraints at least while I am awake? They make me very uneasy. Too much like being a 'guest' elsewhere."

"Too true. Just take me a minute... there. Better?"

"Much. And the grogginess seem to be fading quickly now. So... any damage to my eyes?"

"Not according to the doctors. Devastatingly blue as ever. Skin around them is pretty badly burned though."

"Hence the bandages?"

"Hence the bandages. Next time, how about just yelling 'duck' instead of shoving me out of the way?"

"I have this fear that in the heat of the moment, I would yell 'utka' and then the last I would see of you is a puzzled expression."

"Utka means...?"

"Duck. See? My fear is well grounded."

"Admittedly, duck wasn't one of the words covered in my basic Russian lessons."

"Little doubt. They generally just teach you to ask what time it is and where the bathrooms are."

"Both handy things to know, you must admit."

"True. Plus ducks so rarely seem to come up in casual conversation."

"But this is a positive move forward for us, partner of mine."

"How so, Napoleon?"

"Now if I hear either duck or utka, I'll know what to do. So next time, yell. Maybe then neither of us will get hit."

_distant banging_

"Napoleon... you know those bad feelings we sometimes get?"

"I just got one myself, tovarich. We're not exactly in a great location."

"I thought as much. Please tell me that at least you are armed?"

"Oh yes. I have your weapon too, but.."

_sound of slamming doors_

"No buts. Hand it here please. We do not have time to argue this. Thank you."

"If you have a plan, share fast. At the rate they're moving, it won't take them much longer."

"Da... is my bed facing the door? If not, can you move it so that it is?"

_scraping sound_

"Just needed a little adjustment. Next?"

"Is there a way to lay the straps back over my wrists so that they appear attached but are not?"

"Sure - so long as you don't move and make them slide off."

"Once I start moving, it will no longer matter. Do it."

_louder door slam_

"Is there a place to conceal your own gun behind my headboard?"

"Yes... and done. Want me to try and cut the gauze covering your eyes?"

"No time. I will pretend to still be unconscious. You look for a makeshift weapon of some sort."

"Ah - gotcha. I pretend I was a good boy and didn't carry a gun into a hospital."

"Precisely. Hopefully they are not anyone that would know that you are never a good boy."

_nearby door slam_

_room door slam_

"Ah.. so here you are, Mister Solo. You would have been better off seeing the town instead of staying by your partner's side. Now instead of just him, you both will die."

"It's a togetherness pact we have. I just can't leave him alone. Pinky-swore and everything. Besides, have you been in this town on a Tuesday night before? Talk about dead."

"Very droll, Mister Solo. Now, please put your hands up and put down that... that... Is that a bedpan?"

"Well, you know how it is when company drops in unannounced. I just had to go with what was handy when you and your two boys decided to drop in. But since you want me to get rid of it..."

_clang_

_various gunshots_

"No more shooting... I hope that is a good sign. Napoleon?"

"Right here, pal. Got some bleeding, but I don't think it's anything serious. Same can't be said for our T.H.R.U.S.H. trio. Nice job - especially where you couldn't see what you were aiming at. You nailed one and I got the other two while they were dodging your bullets."

"I was just hoping they had all stayed near the door together - and that you would have the sense to not get between myself and them. By the way, thank you for letting me know how many there were. You know, when I said to find a makeshift weapon, a bedpan was not quite what I had in mind. Did you throw that at them?"

"Had to do something with it before I went for my gun, tovarich. Good news - looks like the bullet just grazed me. Did you get hit?"

"Not that I can tell. I suppose I had the advantage that all of their attention was on you at first since they did not believe me to be a threat."

"Come on. Let's get you dressed and clear out of here before anything else happens."

"Da. For a hospital, this is a terribly noisy place."


End file.
